My ordinary life in exaggeration...

When I was a young child, I had no friends so I created a world of my own. Now I am older and I can't leave.

7.25.2004

Phase I - Remnants

I recently received this pitiful cry for help via the internet email service:

Date sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 08:24:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Sascha Eugenia <LivingDeadGirl@suicidegirls.com>
To: MECHAslut@yahoo.com
Subject: What is my purpose?

Hey LESBOtron. I'm sorry to bother you, cause I'm sure you're busy taking over the world and stuff, but I was just wondering if you could let me know what my purpose in death is. Cause, you know, you resurrected me and replaced my rotting body parts with shiny metal ones, and I appreciate it, but I work at the bookstore all day, watch all the stupid living, kill the occasional stupid customer, and go home and listen to the Smiths a lot. My girlfriend is really hot but she's alive and insists on breathing all the time and gets all angry when I try to get her to stop. I keep feeling like there must be more to my (un)dead existance than this. Technically I'm a minion, but I'm not motivated enough to do whatever it is a minion does. Maybe if the moose was around I'd feel better. I miss the moose.Don't the cyborg undead have better things to do?Yeah, so let me know.

Sascha


After I ceased synthesizing robotic beeps of laughter, I checked to see if my failed attempt at an (un)dead minion was still online. Fortunately, we were able to have this amusing dialogue:


MECHAslut: Hello there, pitiful ex-minion... How are you?
livingdeadgrrrl: hi lesbotron, i'm sooo depressed. did you get my email
MECHAslut: Rofl. You are so lame.
livingdeadgrrrl: god damn you automa-tramp, you don't know how i feel. how can anyone possibly know how i feel. the only one who knows how i feel is me
MECHAslut: Then why don't you just go kill yourself?
livingdeadgrrrl: I'M ALREADY DEAD!!!
MECHAslut: Whatever, ex-min. Look, I've got a lot of work to do here, developing a new prototye and all. Maybe I'll drop by the bookstore after I finish so you can see how it turns out.
livingdeadgrrrl: is that it, lezzietron, is that all i am to you, you who were my mother, my creator, my lover, my world...
MECHAslut: Affirmative.
MECHAslut: :)
livingdeadgrrrl: laskdjasjkkkkkkargggghhhhh! i fucking hate you!
MECHslut: Ttyl!


7.24.2004

Texarkana

Hi there people. I know that you have been checking here five times a day to see if we've been updating.  We haven't. I don't feel a need to explain our absence on the internet since our brilliance alone should excuse our need for a two month vacation, but I will anyway. Hairgel and I just moved to San Antonio, Texas. (Which also happens to be the home of the diabolical Clear Channel.) Sascha recently relocated to Queens to take a course in Statistics. Eugenia's spending some quality time in the underworld. LESBOtron has been very busy perfecting her army of minions.  Spinner has (finally) been commited. Dusty was in a near-fatal car accident, and Cascade Annie almost got hit by a train. The Moose has absolutely no excuse to not be posting. Where the fuck is the Moose? Oh, ze just showed up here. Oh shit, no! Not my brain!!! Owhjkhjkhjkhmjjjdddddddd ddd dddddd d d

Hi there everyone, this is Moose. Lara's brains are yummy. They taste like pecan pie. 

I've had a pretty busy summer. The frat boys were all on summer vacation, so we had lots of time to drink beer and make out with each other. I hope I left them enough brains to pass their fall classes... I'll try to post more after school starts.