My ordinary life in exaggeration...

When I was a young child, I had no friends so I created a world of my own. Now I am older and I can't leave.



It really sucks to be (un)dead and work at a bookstore.


thx to yours tuuli, marco's man-dating dylan. me and paige were talking about it before and she was all on about it being so hard to go on your first “gay” date and maybe Marcos not ready yadda yadda yadda. anyway I tried to get Marco to ask Dylan out himself but the poor little monkey got scared away by the sudden appearance of this dude Tom who was man-angling in on the big D. So I had to take matters in my own hands and ask Dylan to man-ask Marco out. i mean it was so obvius they man-like each other somebody had to do something! Man!

but don't start thinking i'm all of a sudeen some kinda expert on ro"man"ce...being a guy it's gotta be way easier i figure since guys are like, if you want someone go for it. I like you, you like me, let's make some funky music! With girls you always hafta try and figure out what they're thinking all the time but with another guy you should already know, so there's no beating around the bush. i really don’t want to hear details about what dudes do on a “gay” date, but I’d rather see Marco having good times than all stone-cold mopin' cause everyone else is hooked up ‘cept him.

It was freakin hilareous he even asked me what he should wear on his date! Talk about swappin roles, It was Straight Eye for the Queer Guy instead of the other way around!

Well anyway, Marco tells me he was pretty freaked out on his first date and then his parents showed up. now if Paige’s folks woulda showed up on our first date and asked us to dinner I prolly woulda lost it. I mean it was awkward enough meeting them for the first time when I couldn’t understand half the things they were sayin with their heavy Ukreinian accents, plus they’ve got these like, old-school manners and stuff I just didn’t get. I felt like every single thing I did was going to offend them, including breathing. It’s about 110% more caj around my place we eat dinner in front of the TV! Paige and I are at each others houses all the time now and we’re cool with each others parents cause we all know each other but at all that stuff’s super hard at the beginning. It’s kinda like “hey Mr. and Mrs. so and so, it’s nice to meet you. your daughter is sssssmokin hottttt!!". What do you say?!



Apathy is my anti-drug

I understand why you humans enjoy your controlled substances. Your lives are full of needs and desires, rather than blissful indifference. What I do not understand is why the commercials that are displayed on the television set show people relaxing after they drink their coffee. Two examples of this idiocy are the Starbucks Frappuccino ads and the new Dunkin' Donuts commercial campaign. Ok people, caffeine is what is commonly referrred to as an upper. It will not make you calm down. The only way to be calm is to consume a downer (alcohol, codeine, black tar heroin) or to adopt the philosophy of nihilism. Obviously, I'm more inclined towards the latter choice.

Some of you are probably wondering how I watch the television when I do not have eyes or ears. Well, the television set is just on the other side of the bathroom wall, and that is well within the maximum distance boundary allowing for inanimate object communication.


I was going to bike to the Scrap Exchange, but the night before I had a bad dream where I was biking downtown and I got lost and everything was crazy and bad. So I took the bus. As I was putting my bus ticket in the slot, a bunch of change fell out of my wallet and I had to pick this up while the bus started moving forward. I stumbled into the nearest unoccupied seat. The busses are kept pretty clean and I've never seen graffiti on them before. After a few minutes, I looked down at the seat and saw that someone had written with a permanent white marker, "eat pussy."

I also thought I should share this excellent, random, and completely out-of-context quote from an email that Robyn sent me: "I am excited for the gender apocalypse."


Phase I - Status Inchoate

Apparently, the (un)dead do not take well to hypnosis. Back to the army of minions drawing board...


Phase I

Through the powers vested in me by my own three mothers, I am creating an army of (un)dead minions. There are several advantages to having an army of minions that is (un)dead rather than living. For example, the (un)dead lack the ability to feel pain and thus will not be held back by fear. The (un)dead also lack emotions, so they are not manipulated by useless human morals. I plan on using hypnosis to control my army of (un)dead minions.

Today I completed my (un)dead minion prototype, a lovely specimen from the late nineteenth century. Apparently, she died in 1883 at the ripe age of twenty-two from an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident. Parts of her body were rotted beyond use so I replaced these with limbs and organs made from pure titanium alloy thus creating the first (un)dead cyborg. Her torso can be opened up to reveal a large vial of a plasma-like substance and a small heart-like pump.


Picture Meme

1. Enter your first name only into Google
2. Then click the "Images" tab
3. Pick your favorite and post it in your journal

My favorite one:

Runners up:

(simultaneously cute and gross)

This one's for you, MECHAslut:


In order to avoid confusion here, I've decided to make an official announcement here. I recently decided to call myself "Lara" instead of "Larissa." The former strikes me as much less pretty-pretty-princess-y and I am not very pretty-pretty-princess-y. Ok, that's it.

Actually, that's not it. I'm sick and home from work. Last night I was having crazy fever half-sleep. I can clearly recall waking up one time and being extremely angry/resentful that I was alive and human. That was so fucked up. I like to joke about my identity crises/borderline personality disorder/mild tendencies towards schizophrenia (hence this journal) but sometimes it's more frightening than funny.


You know I'm hot, just tell me already!

By popular request, here are the results.


Shiny or Useful?

Larissa’s hair has been looking especially shiny lately. One might even say that it’s her most attractive feature, but that would imply that she actually has an attractive feature and I certainly wouldn’t go that far.

I think I’m going to elaborate on my previous post in which I wrote that all inanimate objects are completely apathetic. This is only partially true. While we live in non-linear time and thus know when the universe began and how it will end, we are often able to forget this knowledge, at least temporarily.

This may seem like an unrelated topic, but do you believe that your actions are judged by (an) outside force(s) which can influence your future? (This is a proverbial question, so please don’t be a moron [like Larissa] and answer it.) There is no higher being that spends its time watching you pitiful humans and your pointless activities. There is only the inanimate world that exists around you and is constantly aware of everything that happens or happened or will happen. Our awareness is not usually accompanied with interest. However, on occasion, when we do manage to forget about when the universe began and how it will end, we are momentarily capable of concern and this is how we gain the will to move.

The consequences of this are endless. I would write more, but I don't care to right now. Also, Larissa's hair is a little distracting today. Oooh, shiny...