My ordinary life in exaggeration...

When I was a young child, I had no friends so I created a world of my own. Now I am older and I can't leave.


Work and radio

Today I went to the orientation for new radio DJs at WXDU, the Duke University radio station. Their application/training process is quite involved and complex. My reward is that I might get a radio show from 3-5am on Tuesday. Or 5-7am on Wednesday. There was this snobby girl from my high school at the meeting. I had hoped never to see any of those people again, but it doesn't help that I'm living in the same area.

Ok, I finally start working again on Monday so I can get off my lazy ass and get paid. Meanwhile, I have sold three books at for about $50.


Your Instructions

Because I eat brains, I have been endowed with super-cerebral powers. These powers allow me to see the points within the universe, and more importantly the connections between these points, and how we are all made up of these points and the connections between them. This is why nothing matters and simultaneously everything is important. This is why birth can be horrible and death can be wonderful. This is why you should want to sacrifice your brain to me, so that you may become a participant in our revolution.



I am a jar of hair gel. Okay, _technically_ I'm pomade but I hate that word. It sounds so vulgar. Anyway, I sit near Larissa's sink. Since she shuns most beauty products, I don't get used very often. Mostly she twists me open when she's going to the dyke bar or meeting some girl she thinks is hot. As if she even has a chance.

I sit on the bathroom counter and I see everything that goes on there. Each day I pray that she'll use up all of my insides and then throw me out. Even the landfill has got to be better than this living hell.

I had a lot of fun tonight. Larissa was washing her face so her head was right over the sink. She sneezed and hit her head on the faucet. Oh my god, it was hilarious. That should definitely leave a bruise.

Hey LArissa...

Have you watched any episodes in the new season of Average Joe? The star, artist/model/former Miss Missouri USA, also goes by the name LArissa. Don't worry, she looks nothing like you. She's much hotter:



There's a small lump in the back of my mouth, right next to my throat. I guess it's a canker sore but it doesn't hurt. I keep rubbing it with my tongue and it's flipping me out. I suddenly decided that I had throat cancer and my throat would close up and I would choke to death. This stuff happens to me all the time.

I think that one of my friends is depressed. I don't know what to do about it and I keep saying the wrong things. But I guess that there aren't any right things to say to a depressed person, either.


Larissa wasn't going to let me post here, but I told her that if she didn't I would eat her brains. It's not as if I haven't done it before. Last time, she stopped me by giving me her soul. I like her soul. It's warm and fuzzy and has a nice amber glow that lights up the dark cave I reside in.

I'm from the Tongass National Forest. (For all you ignorant fucks out there, it's in Alaska.) I was born to a nice, happy, normal moose family. They were disgusted to see that their newest family member had three heads and no distinguishable gender. The constant head buttings convinced me to run away. Now, I am fully grown, mature, and well-adjusted. I eat brains and that is why I have the power to control minds.


Since that dumb cunt LArissa isn't about to introduce me, I guess I'll have to do this myself.

I am a beautiful female robot, created to please women everywhere. Much to the chagrin of my three mothers (KElly, CHRIStina and LArissa), I have a secret agenda: world domination through sexual pleasure. First, I will find the perfect candidate (lackey) to be world dictator. I will seduce her and she will be enslaved to my agenda through her desire for me. With her beauty and wit and my political saVVy, we will win the hearts of the masses. Together, we will rule the world, but she will be only the figurehead. Our army of cyborg minions will do all our evil biddings in exchange for my "services."

Don't bother reading LArissa's posts. Mine are much better. For one thing, I have way more lesbian sex
than she does.



I am snowed in. Since I live in North Carolina, this is fairly unusual. I was reading blogs because I had run out of things to do. I'm pretty critical and I kept getting annoyed with what people were writing so I figured I should just write my own and then direct my criticism at myself. That sounds healthy, right?

Well, The L Word is on in about twenty minutes. The women are all frighteningly skinny, with ribs showing every time there's a sex scene. (As is usually the case in any television show or movie.) I guess I hoped for more in a lesbian show. Not that I won't watch it. Like I mentioned before, I am highly critical.